I’m writing this blog after one full week of entrepreneurship and I’m not feeling as good as I thought I would and that’s ok.
This blog is about the space that I’ve had to think and what I’m thinking.
For those of you who don’t know, I just left my job to pursue potential that I wasn’t willing to leave on the table – to go after growth that wasn’t happening where I was. Leading up to “the jump,” I was busier than ever and couldn’t help but fantasize about how incredible it would feel to have extra space to think and create. I was excited to be more productive, more driven and more creative than ever before. Well this week was full of space and it wasn’t what I was expecting.
The extra space that I had been looking forward to felt foreign.
The productivity that I had been craving felt elusive.
The drive that I had been building felt inconsistent.
The creativity that I had been cultivating felt flat.
I quickly realized how many options I had in front of me and the endless possibilities felt paralyzing. Like Lora Mathis once said, “some days you will feel like the ocean and some days you will feel like you are drowning in it.” I thought that I was going to be the ocean this week, but more often than not, I felt like I was drowning in it. There was so much going on in my mind but nothing materializing in front of me and in addition to the change in schedule, that left me feeling frustrated, overwhelmed and downright WEIRD (I went grocery shopping at 2:00pm on a Tuesday and that was strange).
While this week wasn’t what I was hoping for, I think that it was what I needed.
In an unexpected way, life challenged me with a curveball (a changeup would be more accurate). The slower pace created an internal tension that taught me about myself and in the end, that’s a big part of what this entrepreneurship process is about; learning about who I am and striving to become a better version of myself in all that I do.
This week, I learned that sometimes we need to slow down before we can speed up. I realized that it’s possible to find fullness in emptiness and when we turn down the outside noise, we can become even more aware of our own voice. I came to know that distraction is a dangerous comfort and that being bored can be just as challenging as being busy. I worried this week about the slower pace but I was reminded that worry gives small things big shadows. Following this week, I understand that sometimes, the need for progress can be a barrier to enjoying the very process that leads there.
If you didn’t realize, this blog was me writing for me: a journal of sorts. I’m feeling better and I hope that this blog spoke to you as much as it did me. I know that great things take time and that the pressure I feel is self-imposed. To end this blog, let me leave you with a few wise words that resonated with me throughout the week.
Thank you for reading and to all those who encouraged me this past week.
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