This year  has been the busiest one that I’ve ever experienced and I’m not complaining.
If anything, I operate best when things are busy and I love the chaos. However, this all means that I’ve had less time to write but here we are in a rare gap of silence on the schedule. This is me dumping everything between the ears into a blog (a journal of sorts) and I’m sharing it with the hope that it can encourage even just a single soul. Thanks for reading!
Since last time, it’s been more of the same. I’ve been working harder than ever before to make sure that what I’m building can stand on a firm foundation. It feels like I’ve been digging for a while now (multiple years at this point) and it seems like the base is built and now it’s time to get vertical. I’ve been having some incredible conversations on the podcast and it’s reaffirming for me that while our struggles look different on the surface, we are all the same deep down inside. I’ve had 100+ conversations where the same emotions live underneath different hardships. I feel more inspired than ever to continue creating a space for people to share stories because stories are what shape our lives. While the narratives that we hear can change us, we can also change the narratives that we tell – the pen is in our hands. Yes, I’m feeling encouraged and yet I have a growing awareness that what drives me most isn’t good things of the future but a deep fear of what’s looming behind me. I don’t have many demons (that I know about) but I do know that I could lose sight at any given moment and that scares me. I’m also scared that the competitive/addictive side of me will make it hard to be present with those that I love. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to bring out the full potential that lives inside of me and I’m terrified that I’ll get to the end of life and realize that spent the entire thing focusing on what I thought was important at the expense of what (and who) is truly important. These things scare me and that’s good. I think it’s healthy to be afraid and powerful to be pushed from the fear behind us. What I don’t think is good (and what I want to avoid) is letting those fears control me. I’ve noticed that when I attempt to control things, those things often end up controlling me. I’m walking through life these days with the intention of having strong convictions, loosely held – I’m attempting to embrace the process without the need for a specific outcome. To shift gears (and wrap up), I also feel like I’ve been in a season where dependance on God feels far. In other words, I feel so grateful for everything that God has blessed me with and yet I catch myself feeling as if I am the one who has the power. This sentence is a very real reminder (to me) that I am not in control – God is in control and even in the good seasons, I still need Him more than I could ever realized. I’m at a point where I believe that nothing is impossible and I’ve been praying for the capacity to believe that with my heart.
If you’re still reading, thank you.
Here’s a quote that I’ve been chewing on.
Until next time –
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