The past few weeks have been both exhausting and rewarding (#dogdad). It’s seasons of acute change like this one that heighten the awareness that I’m at my best in the middle; not too high and not too low. Life is full of change outside of our control and if we’re not mindful, our emotional reactions can determine our direction. In other words, we have to learn to come back to the middle and that’s what this blog is about.
Quitting a stable, full-time job to pursue entrepreneurship (and ownership) increased the baseline level of emotional volatility in my life (10X), but that’s not a bad thing. In building Project Endure, I’ve experienced some of my highest highs and some of my lowest lows. On social media people often don’t share the lows and I think that’s important to do, so here’s an unedited journal from one of those lows.
June 29th, 2022
It’s 11:16 AM and after going to urgent care this morning, I feel a little better but still unsettled. I’m feeling tightness in my chest and the bottom left (anterior, deep) of my neck. It doesn’t feel right but it also seems like something that might be able to get better with time. Regardless, I’ve been thrown out of my routine ever since getting back from vacation and I’m feeling like things are falling apart on the inside. I’ve been having trouble focusing on my clients/work and all I want to do is cry. I can’t even explain why but I just want to curl up on the couch and cry for the rest of the day. I feel weak, I feel broken and I feel sad. Part of me hopes that by writing these words, the feelings will leave my body and get trapped here on this page. I realize now how much I take good health for granted and how much of a burden it is when you’re not feeling like yourself. It reminds me of why I became a physical therapist (and coach) in the first place and it brings back the fire that I had when I first got into the profession. I want to be able to give people my undivided and best attention – I pray that this season of not feeling well (I hope it’s a short one) will leave me as a more empathetic, caring and patient person. I pray that God would use any darkness around me as a chance to find and be light. I pray that God’s love washes over me, fills me and overwhelms me much like it did in 2016 when I was getting to know Michaela for the first time. I’m going to leave this journal in a few minutes and from there, I’m going to hold my head high and be the best version of myself for those that I’m serving.
Building a business has taught me how to better recognize and manage (regulate) the emotions that I’m experiencing. The past 18+ months have been a practice of coming back to the middle time and time again; choosing composure in the midst of chaos. One thought that helps me come back to the middle is that the good times will pass, the hard times will pass and I’ll be better off for them both only if I make the active choice to grow through them. The stresses that we handle and the struggles that we endure are opportunities to find strength and I believe that with all that I am. When get pushed and pull from the middle, we need to be present in this moment, we need to control what we can and we need surrender the rest (maybe the hardest part).
There’s a lot more to talk about on the topic of emotional regulation but for now, I’ll leave it here because I need to let Theo (the dog) out and we could stand to consume less and love more. Let me leave you with a quote and one more piece of writing if you’d like to read more about intentional living, you can here.
Come back to the middle.
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