This coming week I turn 32 years old and if I’m being honest, I’m indifferent to the number.
If you’ve been following along since the start (2016) then you’ve noticed that blog posts have become less frequent over time and that’s a function of shifting priorities. I’m still writing for me, just not as much for the world and that feels aligned in this season of life.
I’ve gotten in the habit of writing thoughts around this time each year as a way to reflect on thoughts that have come up over the previous birth year. While the following is unpolished and meant for me, I’m sharing incase it helps you too!
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Instead of “celebrating” my birthday, there’s part of me that wants to be sad each year and while that might not make sense on the surface, it makes sense with some digging. Most adults reading these words can attest to the fact that time seems to move faster with each passing year. Getting older has a lot of perks AND it’s a reminder that the clock is ticking and that we are all mortal. There will be one day where these words are just an artifact from the life that I once lived and that makes me sad. I love life and the thought that it expires here on earth is sad and there’s a big part of me that wants to FEEL that for some reason. However, there’s another part of me that feels comforted that when this life ends, there will be eternal life with Jesus and this brings me to another realization.
Is it really a risk if the “risk” is leaving behind a life you never wanted?
I’ve always believed in God but this past decade has been a growing season for the faith that I have. In hindsight, the low seasons of life have been an incredible fertilizer for faith and while I might not have recognized this in those seasons, I can’t see it any other way from where I sit now. Ever since meeting my wife, Michaela, life has felt so good and been smooth in broad strokes. Most of the low seasons that I referenced are related to the loss of sight that I’ve experienced over the past two decades and within the past month, I’ve noticed some more distortion in sight. It’s unsettling to be reminded that I’m battling a progressive loss of sight because the prospect of being (legally) blind makes me sad, not scared (there’s a big difference). One thought that I keep coming back to is that a faith that is not tested is a faith that cannot be trusted. The past few weeks have reignited a grieving process that comes in fits and starts. I’m going to quote a passage that isn’t from me because it expresses what I feel better than I ever could.
How are we to understand these hard-edged things as blessings? I am blessed for the way my suffering has sent me into the inner recesses of God’s heart and shut the door on the world. In that solitary get-alone-with-God place, fresh desires for Jesus started springing up in my soul. My love, my devotion, and a sober respect for my majestic Savior began to stretch my capacity for him. I found a lively hope of heaven and a desire to live a holy life. Suffering brought my own emptiness and God’s fullness together. And I couldn’t imagine any better blessings!
Transitioning to some more thoughts that have been swirling as of late: regrets are scarier than fear. Back in 2021, I quit a stable job to start something (Project Endure) that felt aligned (I’ll come back to that word). This was a risk and as someone with an innate risk aversion, it took a lot for me to take the chance. There was a point that I realized that not making a choice was still a choice and that the cost of staying where I was, was greater than the cost of going for it. Over the past 5 years in business, I’ve come to realize that “safe” is an illusion (as I’ve watched friends, clients, etc. lose jobs that felt “secure”). Don’t get more wrong, building something is hard. There are only a handful of things that we can control in this life and those things (attitude and effort) fall under the umbrella of our choice. I know that success is subjective and that it looks different for everyone AND I think that there is a universal standard for success… living in alignment with what we believe and what we value. The ultimate success is to live a life where our thoughts, words and actions all align.
Excellence is active pursuit in a worthwhile engagement that aligns with our goals and values.
The path to this kind of success is difficult because we live in a world where we see “success” everywhere around us and where comparison is around every corner. When we see the highlight reels of those that we admire, we forget that life is hard for all of us and that it’s natural (and good) to have BOTH ups and downs in this existence. I’m becoming a firm believer that the greatest fulfillment comes from working on things that the world doesn’t have words for (not everything that can be measured, matters). On a similar note, there are some things in this life that must be experienced in order to be understood. One line that hits me hard and helps me come back to the present moment is, your death will come on an ordinary day, in the middle of unfinished plans, and the world will continue without you. While it’s dark on the surface, it’s another reminder that time is precious because it’s fleeting (memento mori). Take this as a sign to live a little more.
I have the phrase “do hard things” tattooed on me so this next thought won’t surprise anyone but comfort comes with a cost (comfort is a slow death). Each time that we choose comfort, convenience and conformity because it’s “easier,” we lose the part of ourselves that can be strong, persistent and authentic. Like Marcus Aurelius once said, “the hardest prison to escape is the comfort that made you weak. Every man who falls to weakness once called it rest.” The truth is that everything in this life comes with a cost and we can’t have what we want without doing what it takes. If you want a new life, it’s going to cost your old one and on a small scale, that’s what all change is. We must let go of what was in order to embrace what could be (that’s hard). On a similar note, we must be WILLING to start things before we feel ready because ready is a decision, not a feeling. The gap between you and your goals isn’t talent. It’s the tolerance for the hard, boring, uncomfortable, inconvenient and unpopular things that need to be done consistently over a long period of time.
You can’t step in the same river twice. The river is not the same. You are not the same.
One more thing that stood out to me from recent reflections is that the latin root for the world “decide” translates to dēcīdere which means to “cut off” from all other options. Commitment is one of the most underrated tools at our disposal as humans who want growth in pursuit of potential. To drive home that point, I’m going to share a quote from the late Tim Keller who said, “in any relationship, there will be frightening spells in which your feelings of love dry up. And when that happens you must remember that the essence of marriage is that it is a covenant, a commitment, a promise of future love. So what do you do? You do the acts of love, despite your lack of feeling. You may not feel tender, sympathetic, and eager to please, but in your actions you must BE tender, understanding, forgiving and helpful. And, if you do that, as time goes on you will not only get through the dry spells, but they will become less frequent and deep, and you will become more constant in your feelings. This is what can happen if you decide to love.” When you’ve committed to something, you show up even when you don’t feel like it and that carries us so much farther and it’s also something that most people don’t understand or honor.
There’s so much more that I could share but to keep this from becoming an entire book, I’ll let this be the last thought. I’m starting to realize more and more that true happiness doesn’t shout; it hums. We need to embrace the small things that one day we will all realize were the big ones… that warm cup of coffee, walks with the dog, watering the flowers, running in the rain, coming home to someone you love on a Tuesday, signing at church, lifting weights that used to feel heavier, running when you’re tired, hugging our parents, talking to our siblings, etc…. You get the point. Life is right here in front of us and if we spend too much time worrying about how to get “there,” we risk fast-forwarding through it all. This one is for me and I’m sure it’s something you need too; stop moving the goal posts and repeating “I’ll be happy when.” You have everything that you need right now and enough isn’t a number, it’s a state of mind.
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I’m sure this year will bring new struggles, new blessings and unexpected growth. While I have no idea what’s in store, I’ll continue to focus on what I can control while pursuing alignment. Here’s to pursuing excellence in all that we do!
“A master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between his work and his play; his labor and his leisure; his mind and his body; his education and his recreation. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence through whatever he is doing, and leaves others to determine whether he is working or playing. To himself, he always appears to be doing both.”
Francois Auguste De Chateaubriand
Do hard things.
Joe Rinaldi
IG: @joearinaldi